October 19, 2005
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I will write briefly. I have taken an anti-nausea that brings on the sleepies fairly quickly. The thought running through my mind concerns the idea that i think we can lull ourselves into a sense of equity; of fairness. We can fairly indulge in life and take our fair share of the bounties; at the same time we expect to be dealt a bit of challenges to overcome; glitches in our effortless enjoyment of life. Each culture probably has a different sense of what is fair in this negative part of life. Any more than our fair share and we start using phrases like, “why am I being shit on?” Certainly people who were devastated by Katrina and then only weeks later clobbered by Rita would be justified in wondering which god was getting his jollies by pissing on their picnic.
In the last few years our family has dealt with illness and deaths, some tragic, some just sad. But, at no time have I felt that I was being hit with more than my fair share of life’s negative side. Really. It never crossed my mind, “why me”. I look around at those who deal with such horrible conditions and wonder, “why not me”.
This week, my sense of fairness may have been shaken. We learned that my 84 year old mother has breast cancer. So far it sounds like timing, size, location, etc. would indicate that it is the better of a bad situation. She lives in a condo in my little town, but there is already talk of having her going to stay with a brother who lives near Philly. She should be able to find an excellent oncologist and my sister-in-law can get her to and from appointments. It’s all doable. But that is about the best I can say about it. Yes, there are many poor souls who have it much worse with little hope of ever seeing improvement in their lives but, this is my mother and I’m having a hard time wondering who decided they had to piss on our parade.
Comments (6)
(((((((HUGS))))))) At least you’re writing about it. I’ll keep you all in my prayers. Blessings abound
I think what astounds me most is your “why not me.” I don’t think there are many of us who are so … and I’m having trouble finding a word here. So reasonable? So self-aware? So tuned to the vagaries of the universe? Anyway, so THAT, whatever THAT is, as not to stamp the feet and demand, childlike, “Why ME? It’s not FAIR!”
But if there is any moment when THAT, whatever it is, fails us all, surely it is in relation to the figures in our life who have always been there, and always been there for us.
All blessings and good wishes for you and your mother and all your family whose picnic has continued steadfastly despite many an ill wind that would have swept others completely away.
Ouch. Sorry for this ordeal. Being piled onto everything else, that just sucks. If your mother has the same wonderful sense of humor that you yourself have displayed in the past, things might work out OK. Let’s hope.
I hardly know what to say. I’m so very sorry to hear about your mother. I hope she fights it with all her might. I know quite a few breast cancer survivors! –and I hope you’re doing okay too!
And how do you fare. Mr. Waiting for Epiphany? You’ve been in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you are recovering heartily. Blessings abound
see…it’s when i hear about people like your mom who, for obvious reasons, has been through E-nough…that i think why them? why?
i did go through my moments of self-pity…i won’t deny that, but after going thru my first chemo treatment i, like you, did the “why not me?”
i was wondering about you the other day.
no new updates, etc…
so i’m just checking in.